I hear you trying out a few different topics and I think if you were to revise this you would want to try to focus on one or two that were especially interesting to you. You describe how being at ESP made you feel, you talk about the story of prisoner escape and you mention the baseball team as a kind of surprise to you. You also mention that the team was racially segregated.
I wonder which of these observations seem most important to you? What do you think it is about the way the audio tour interprets ESP that asks for an emotional reaction from the visitor? Why are the stories about escape included? Why were you surprised to learn about the baseball team?
Finally, since this assignment asks for descriptive writing, I wonder how you found this to be different from other kinds of writing we did in class? Are there parts in this essay where your description of sensory observations could be more specific or detailed?
I think you did a good job giving a good description of the prison and telling how this description made you feel. I would've loved to hear more about how you felt about the segregation in the prison. Other than that I think you did a good job.
I hear you trying out a few different topics and I think if you were to revise this you would want to try to focus on one or two that were especially interesting to you. You describe how being at ESP made you feel, you talk about the story of prisoner escape and you mention the baseball team as a kind of surprise to you. You also mention that the team was racially segregated.
ReplyDeleteI wonder which of these observations seem most important to you? What do you think it is about the way the audio tour interprets ESP that asks for an emotional reaction from the visitor? Why are the stories about escape included? Why were you surprised to learn about the baseball team?
Finally, since this assignment asks for descriptive writing, I wonder how you found this to be different from other kinds of writing we did in class? Are there parts in this essay where your description of sensory observations could be more specific or detailed?
I think you did a good job giving a good description of the prison and telling how this description made you feel. I would've loved to hear more about how you felt about the segregation in the prison. Other than that I think you did a good job.
ReplyDelete